


The Hardest Question

by Anonymous



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Lair of the Shadow Broker, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Past Shepard/Liara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 02:39:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21330904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: They were once a good couple, but now Shepard's moved on and Liara wants to know why.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard, Male Shepard & Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Male Shepard/Liara T'Soni
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43
Collections: Anonymous





	The Hardest Question

**Author's Note:**

> Just a story from my most recent playthrough. Romanced Liara in ME1 and Kaidan in ME3 and just thought about how a scene like this would play out with all of them.

It’s been quiet, or at least as quiet as it gets for them. They’re chasing the eye of the storm, trying to stay within it’s walls for as long as they can before they’re thrown back out from the pan into the fire. The Reapers are at every turn and they’re so much worse than anything Shepard might have thought they’d be like. It’s one thing to know that these creatures want to harvest all life and it’s another thing to actually see it in action.

He’s doing the best he can. They all are, but the whole thing hits a little too close to home with Liara’s ‘project’. A record, in the event they fail. He’s not sure if Liara hears what she’s saying – we’re going to lose just like the Protheans before us did – and he knows that the choice is a rational one. Didn’t the Prothean’s leave the beacons with their warnings for the next generation to find? It’s not Shepard’s fault that no one understood the information inside of them and he looks at Liara’s box and wonders if it’ll come across better to a new galaxy of people then the Prothean’s did.

Will they research the asari with the same fervor that Liara researched the Protheans? Will they even understand the language? Understand what’s being left behind for them? Will they even find it in time? Are these questions the Protheans asked themselves as they watched their loved ones die and knew that they were next?

“Shepard, if it would be alright with you. I would like to ask you a question.” Liara says and Shepard nods.

“Go ahead.”

“I know that it’s ill-timed, or perhaps it isn’t. Maybe any questions of this nature will always be out of place in any conversation, but I find myself wondering.”

“Okay?”

“Why didn’t it work out for us?” She asks and Shepard feels the frown tug at his lips.

“Liara…”

“I’m not trying to win you back or anything. I understand that you have moved on, and I wish the best for the two of you. I consider you both good friends and I know that you’ll look after each other.” Liara is quick to say. “No, I just…I wonder why we fell apart. It was good once, wasn’t it?” She looks at him with those big blue eyes and Shepard takes a sip of his drink to buy himself time.

“Yeah…It was.” He admits gently.

“So you can imagine my…confusion. You said you didn’t hold me handing Cerberus your body, is it perhaps that-”

“No.” Shepard cuts her off. “No Liara. There was nothing to forgive with all of that. You did what you felt you had to do and I’m back. I can’t hold that against you. It was either Cerberus or the Collectors and between the two of us, that’s the only time I’d choose Cerberus.”

“Then why, if I may ask. Why didn’t it work out between us? When you came to visit me on Illium it seemed like there was still something there, I felt it. I just don’t understand how it went away. When did you decide that what we had was no longer worth it?”

“It’s not that it wasn’t ‘worth it’ Liara.” Shepard responds. “It’s just…things changed.”

“You mean **I** changed.” Liara corrects him and he doesn’t argue against it. “I see.” She takes a drink herself. “Can I ask what did it? Was it a single moment when you looked at me and said ‘I don’t love her anymore’ or was it gradual?”

“I don’t think anything will ever be that simple.” Shepard admits. “I still love you Liara, I always will. You’re important to me and I care about you.”

“You just don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“I just…I don’t know, or hell maybe I do and it’s just hard to say it.” Shepard says before he sighs. “It wasn’t a single moment. Not really. I think it was a lot of little ones that eventually compounded into one big one that just hit me in a ‘I think we’ve run our course’ sort of way.” He cringes. “Damn that sounds terrible.”

“If it’s the truth, it doesn’t matter what it sounds like.” Liara says, reaching out and placing her hand over his. He looks down at it for a moment, then back up at her before he slowly pulls his hand out from under hers and she cringes like he had moments before. “I’m sorry Shepard.”

“Don’t be.” He says and they both sit in silence for a bit. Shepard looking at the box and Liara looking at the fish. Neither of them can seem to find a way to glance at one another.

“Can I ask what the moments were?”

“Why?”

“I want to know.” Liara says. “Please.” Shepard glances back at her before he sighs again.

“When we arrived on Illium, I almost tore through the Trading Center floor to get to you when that asari even mentioned your name.” Shepard admits. “I couldn’t wait to see you again; but then that door opened and it was like walking into a brick wall.” He looks at Liara. “Do you remember what you said?”

“I believe I was asking if they’d ever faced an asari commando unit before.”

“The same threat that Benezia threw out at us. I’ll admit that it threw me for a few seconds. I’d never thought that you’d…say something like that.” He rubs at his forehead. “And then there was the whole affair with the Shadow Broker.”

“You said you understood why I had to stay. Why I had to take over his network.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about Liara. I did understand. I understood that you felt it was important and that it was something you had to do. I’m fine with that.” He shakes his head. “No, I mean before that. When Vasir threw me out the window you didn’t even pause. Not even a slight hesitation or concern for me. I know it sounds stupid. I’m pretty solid and I’ve taken harder hits…but it was jarring. To chase after you and to see someone so singularly focused on a task to the detriment of all those around her.”

“I had to get the data.”

“I’m not saying you didn’t, but even the slightest glimpse of the woman that I knew before would have been nice. Then how you disregarded everything, all the pain and chaos around you because of your war with the Shadow Broker. We had the time, and you didn’t care.”

“I cared Shepard.”

“No you didn’t Liara.” Shepard argues. “Or if you did, I didn’t see it and I’m very good at noticing things like that. Especially when I’m looking for it and I was _desperately_ looking for it. I get it. You couldn’t stay unchanged; it’d been two years. You’d been through who knows what, I certainly didn’t know even a hint of it…but Liara, when we were going through that whole mission I kept feeling like the person standing next to me bore a familiar face but that you were a stranger. I didn’t know you anymore, I didn’t know the woman in front of me.”

“Was I truly so different?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry Shepard.”

“Don’t be. We all do what we have to…but I couldn’t stand beside you anymore.” Shepard admits. “That woman who stood at the screens and who took over all that craziness was the new Liara and that Liara wasn’t someone that…that I loved.” He looks away from her, it feels cruel to say it, but as Liara said before ‘it was the truth’.

“So because I wasn’t the big eyed, innocent that you could save?” Liara starts to accuse and Shepard sighs.

“No Liara, and you know that. Lash out at me all you want but don’t pretend that I _ever_ saw you that way. If I had, I would have kept you on the ship, waiting for me to come back after every mission. Did I do that? Or did I offer for you to be right out there with us?”

“I know Shepard, I’m sorry I just…it’s hard to fathom.”

“I know.” He wants to say ‘but you asked’, however he holds it back. It doesn’t feel like it’d help the conversation.

“So that kind of innocence about the universe is what draws you in? Is that why you and Tali almost…”

“Tali and I considered it, but only after you and I had called it quits after the Shadow Broker’s base. I thought I’d been clear in my intentions to move on and my wish for you to do the same.”

“Still, Tali falling into your arms seemed rather…sudden.”

“There was history there Liara. You know that. I don’t just fall for people that I don’t have a serious connection with. A trust that’s been verified.”

“Is that why you and Kaidan-”

“I’d rather not talk about me and Kaidan.”

“But you’ll talk about you and Tali?”

“There was no ‘me and Tali’.” Shepard corrects. “Maybe there almost was, but we both drew our lines in the sand and that was that. She wanted to hold to her beliefs and I refused to crucify the Geth. We realized that we wouldn’t work pretty quickly. There was never any Tali and I.” Shepard sighs. “You wanted to know, and there was your answer. I’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted to hear, or not more articulate…it just is what it is.”

“No, I thank you for telling me.” Liara says, recognizing the end to the conversation and Shepard’s obvious discomfort. She opens her mouth to say something else when the captain’s cabin doors open and Kaidan walks in. He pauses for a moment when he sees her.

“Hey Liara, sorry am I interrupting something?”

“No.” Shepard says, giving the brunet a smile and standing. “Liara just wanted to bring something to my attention, but we were all finished here.” He looks at her and she feels like it’s a comment that encompasses more than just her presence in the room.

“Of course. Good night Shepard, Kaidan.” She inclines to both of them as she grabs her box and steps out into the hallway. She hugs the box to her chest, memories that she’ll pass on with none of the pain written between the lines for anyone else to see. She gets on the elevator and heads down to her room.

She has work to do. They’re not beaten yet.

**Author's Note:**

> A kudo and comment would be appreciated!


End file.
